Sentimentality

sitting here staring at the blank screen
for the fourth night straight
the words seem on the tip of my mind
but in the end they all seem wasted

standing there on the edge of the street
for the third straight night
i don't want to just kiss the curbs
i want to taste my blood until it loses flavor

shouldn't i want more for myself?

laying here staring into darkness
for the second night this week
i know there's an end
but it seems like my room is endless

kneeling here at the grave i dug
for what feels like the first time
all it takes is just a little push
but gravity won't let me do what i want

shouldn't i want more for myself?
i'm always wanting more

the thoughts keep creeping back
and they always misbehave
my eyes always roll back
when my heart's out of its cage

if you think this is a fleeting moment
quit lying to yourself, 
that's the way it's always been
the embers are always the problem
the problem can be traced back to the root
so why can't i just cut it off?
the sentimentality of the situation
seeps into my mind with the thoughts.
everything stems from something
and this has all been said before

shouldn't i want more for myself?